Diagnosis

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

Impossible!" says the doctor "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams, then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
A: She peed on her corn flakes.

Top Ten Things To Say About a Christmas Gift You Don't Like...

10. Hey! Now there's a gift!

9. Well, well, well...

8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.

7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.

6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.

5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!

4. I love it - but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.

2. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

1. I really don't deserve this.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money?
A. She sold her car for it...